


HabañerNO

by HyenaHunny



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Accidental Food Play, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Attempt at Humor, Based on a Tumblr Post, Ben Solo is a Mess, Dirty Talk, F/M, Fluff and Humor, The Author Regrets Everything, This is weird, Vaginal Fingering, Vaginal Sex, Who Needs to Wear Gloves During Kitchen Prep, alternate universe - culinary school, and uses italics too liberally, but I needed a laugh, really dirty talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-19
Updated: 2019-12-19
Packaged: 2021-02-25 20:53:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21861754
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyenaHunny/pseuds/HyenaHunny
Summary: Rey’s hand (the one not clutching her burning vagina) shot out and hauled him closer. “Ben,” she growled, “what did you do?”“I - chili pepper - in class - “ How could he even explain this?“What?” Her eyes were wide as saucers and she looked like the perfect mix of panicked and angry and again, god, he had FUCKED. UP.“Habaneros - “ Ben managed.“WHAT?”ORin which Ben is a culinary student and he really should have washed his hands more thoroughly before messing around with his girlfriend.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 34
Kudos: 285





	HabañerNO

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on a [Tumblr post](https://i.imgur.com/LqLFU8m.jpg) (which I suggest reading AFTER you've finished this fic) and it makes me laugh and right now, BOY do I need to laugh so please enjoy, pray for my mortal soul, and wash your hands thoroughly after handling hot peppers.
> 
> There aren't any spoilers for TRoS so read without fear!

Ben Solo was kind of nailing it. For the first time in his life, things were kind of just _in place_ \- he was attending one of the best culinary schools in the world, his instructors all loved him (shockingly), and he was making good money on the side as a freelance personal chef. Sure, his studio apartment was small _but_ it was rent-controlled and had a gas-range.

His shit was just _together._

And the best part of all? He _finally_ got Rey Johnson to give him the fucking time of day. Not only that but by some fucking _miracle_ she had deigned to fuck him! Him! Ben Organa-Solo! 

If he was being honest though, he wasn’t exactly sure _how_ he convinced Rey to do this. The first time he clapped eyes on Rey was in the fucking jungle that was their local farmers market, where she was working at Poe _fucking_ Dameron’s stall. Where he sold fucking _kombucha_. And it did _not_ go well.

He couldn’t be _paid_ to go into the details of what happened but he may or may not have said that kombucha is “a fucking waste of both your time and the magic of fermentation” and that if she had any sense at all she’d ditch “this dumb fad business” and put her palate to towards “something worthwhile, like getting a sommelier certification.”

And it _really_ didn’t help when she found out (through Poe _fucking_ Dameron) that he was the ungrateful son of her _other_ employer… Han Solo, the overly-proud owner of the Millennium Diner. His fucking father. 

Of all the kombucha stalls in all the towns in all the world. Fuck his life.

Words were exchanged, voices were raised, and Ben ended up getting a 750 mL bottle of “Butterfly Lime” kombucha poured on him. 

Again, _fuck_ his life.

Listen, Ben was completely aware that girls weren’t exactly fighting each other to get to him. He was awkward, he had a _stupidly_ bad temper, and he was probably the least smooth guy in the entire city; putting his giant foot in his big mouth was just second nature at this point. Normally he kind of just accepted it - he could generally just distract himself from his personal failings with cooking (and furious masturbating). But when he met Rey he was so fucking smitten to the point that he couldn’t help but be _deeply_ bitter about how much of a trash fire he was.

Rey was amazing. Transcendent. His personal wet dream of a human. She was fiery and focused and adorable and smart and _holy fuck_ did she hate him. At first that is.

He wasn’t exactly sure how he managed it but one day she went from calling him an “ungrateful snake” and dragging him for filth to dating him and regularly letting him fuck her bareback. 

Like, it was just a fact of the universe that girls like Rey didn’t tend to go out with guys like Ben - let alone allow them to lick their pussies and pump them full of cum. But there he was, the afternoon sunlight filtering prettily in through his blinds while this beautiful girl was sprawled out on his bed, two of his long fingers deep in her pussy while his thumb worked on her clit.

“God, I love that look on your face when I fuck your tight little cunt with my hand.” 

The way she bit her lip and her eyes fluttered shut were the kind of shit that people wrote _poems_ about - and when she was close to coming she screwed up her eyebrows in the _cutest_ fucking way. And they had only just gotten started. She had walked in dripping and in under a minute he was stretching her out to prepare her for his cock.

_God,_ he was good. Or at least he thought so until her eyes shot open and she started looking _decidedly_ not turned on. “Um. Ben?”

Well, _that_ didn’t sound good. “What’s wrong?” he asked, continuing to pump his fingers into her and play with her clit - albeit a little hesitant now, but he needed to get this back on track _fast._

She propped herself up on her elbows and twisted her hips a little bit. In discomfort? “It’s just - _um_ -“ She suddenly gasped harshly. “it - FUCK, it _burns,_ what the _fuck,_ ” Rey yelped, grabbing his wrist and ripping his fingers out of her pussy. Rey promptly cupped her center like she was in _excruciating_ pain, like she had just been cunt-punted or something and _oh -_

Oh.

_OH._

They were sauteing in class today and he and been chopping peppers - specifically _habañero_ peppers - basically the entire _FUCKING TIME -_

“Oh.” He was pretty sure there was no blood left in his face, and _not_ because it had all rushed to his dick. He had fucked up _big time._ “ _Oh,_ oh my god -”

Rey’s hand (the one not _clutching_ her burning vagina) shot out and hauled him closer. “Ben,” she growled, “what did you do?”

“I - chili pepper - in class - “ How could he even explain this?

“ _What?_ ” Her eyes were wide as saucers and she looked like the perfect mix of panicked and angry and _again,_ god, he had FUCKED. UP.

“Habañeros - “ Ben managed.

“ _WHAT?”_

He needed to fix this and _fast._ “Just - _fuck_ \- stay right there!” Without waiting for her (probably angry) response, Ben Solo grabbed his wallet from out of his pants on the floor and dashed out of his apartment.

Benjamin Organa Solo ran down _four flights_ of stairs, crossed multiple lanes of traffic, burst into Maz’s bodega, grabbed a gallon of heavy cream, tossed what was probably way too much cash on the counter, and _sprinted_ back to Rey. All while shirtless, barefoot, and in his black boxer briefs. And maybe, _maybe_ sporting a (generous) semi while doing so.

Which was weird considering the circumstances but c’mon. He was with _Rey_.

And even though Ben worked out like crazy he _idiotically_ did mostly strength training so he was embarrassingly out of breath by the time he made it up those four _fucking_ flights of stairs to his apartment. 

Poor Rey was still splayed out on his bed, tears streaming down her face, and eyes fucking _flaming_ and fuckfuckfuck as he opened the bottle it really started to sink in that Rey was definitely done with him after this waking _nightmare_ was over.

Oh god, he could never go to the farmers market again.

The panic was burning through his brain cells so quickly he didn’t even think to explain what he was doing before he knelt between her knees and started to fucking shovel the cream into her snatch.

Rey shot up and tried and failed to snap her legs close. _“What is that?_ ” she cried out.

“Heavy cream,” he said, desperately trying to calm her, “just lie back -” Ben hurriedly poured more heavy cream into her cunt.

_“FUCK - “_

“Shhh -”

“Don’t _shush_ me,” Rey growled, “you just fucking _fingered_ my _cunt_ with _jalapeño_ juice on your fingers - “ 

“Habañero, actually -”

“HABAÑERO? THE FUCK BEN - “

_GOD,_ he was an idiot. “Sorry! Sorry! Just-just let me massage the cream it in, it’ll - like - _nullify_ it,” he rushed out apologetically, trying not to make any eye contact... which kind of led him into pouring and rubbing the cream into the walls of her vagina while _staring it down_ and dear god, it was _not_ sexy. He more than half expected her to slap him upside the head and stomp out of his room naked with a cream-drenched, burning vagina. But she didn’t - he felt her tense but then she just flopped back onto the bed. 

“It fucking _hurts,_ Ben,” she groaned, wriggling her hips in discomfort. At that moment he wasn’t sure he had ever felt so _bad_ about something he’d done to someone else - and Ben had been a legitimately terrible human in his teenage years so that was saying a lot. Rey was his favorite person in the entire world and he had been _so_ stupid. 

He looked up at her sheepishly to see her eyes closed tightly, her hands gripping the sheets. Fuck. He looked back as he poured more cream onto her cunt and she let out a shuddering sigh as he pushed it into her with two fingers and started massaging her again, as steadily as he could. 

“How long are you going to have to do this?” 

Ben winced. “For a while, I think - sorry, I just have to like constantly soak it,” he said apologetically. 

What was he even supposed to do in this scenario? Talk about the weather? The challenges of vegan cooking? Should he just _flee the country?_ So many options, all of them horrible. Ben ultimately just settled on staring at her cunt and massaging in the cream in awkward, horrific silence.

It felt like three thousand years of this had past when something… _strange_ started happening. 

At first, he totally mistook the small whimpers that Rey began to let out as pain, which made him cringe and rub the cream into her walls harder. Then she started to groan and twitch which Ben _also_ thought was pain and thought that he must’ve gotten the capsaicin from the pepper onto the area surrounding her vagina as well so he took his other had and started to rub cream around it. 

“ _Fuck,_ Ben,” Rey groaned.

Ben winced and upped the pace of his rubbing, “I know, I know - I’m so sorry.”

“The-the front, Ben, the _front._ ” She let out a whine and bucked her hips.

For a second he wasn’t sure exactly what she meant but then he realized that _of course_ she must have meant he needed to massage more cream into her - er - front _wall_. 

He pulled his hand away for a second to splash some more heavy cream and she whined at the loss. “Hold on, just a sec.” Ben dipped his fingers back in and as he did he realized with a jolt that Rey wasn’t just wet with one kind of, ahem, _cream_.

Wet. She was _wet._

It had to be involuntary, right? Unrelated. But - it wouldn’t hurt to perform a little test in the off-chance that she was somehow turned-on despite the situation. She had asked him to get “the front” anyway. Two birds, one… vaginal massage?

_Fuck it._

As he began to rub at what he was _pretty sure_ was her G-Spot, Ben pinned his gaze to her pretty face. Her eyes were screwed shut and she was biting her lower lip in a way that made Ben want to moan. 

But eyes screwed shut, lip biting - Ben rationalized that maybe she was still in pain from the pepper. Because Benjamin Organa Solo was an idiot, and how could she be turned on by him after what he’d done. But even _he_ wasn’t dense enough to realize what was happening when she let out an airy moan while her cunt fluttered around his fingers.

Ben tried to figure out what exactly his reaction to that should be, but it turned out that wasn’t necessary as one of Rey’s hand released it’s death grip on his sheets only to grasp onto Ben’s hair before she _hauled_ him forward so he was hovering over her.

Her delicate, _perfect_ fingers raked through his locks and even though her face was tear-stained and flushed beyond belief, Ben really couldn’t imagine a more beautiful sight existing in the world. 

“Kiss me, Ben.”

“Huh?” He _had_ to have been hallucinating what she said. 

“Kiss me,” she repeated, her hips moving as she tried to ride his now-still hand.

Ben wasn’t sure exactly what was happening - probably a stroke. But stroke or no, there wasn’t a reality where he wouldn’t comply with a command like _that._ Ben lurched further forward and bent down as best he could while still, uh, _massaging_ in the cream into her cunt. 

He pressed his lips against hers and he really expected - given the… circumstances - that the kiss she wanted was a chaste, apologetic one, which is exactly what he gave her. Or at least, began giving, because a second after his lips touched hers Rey _escalated._ She managed within the span of two seconds to turn what was really supposed to be a peck into a heated _mess_ of a kiss.

It was the perfect cue for him to start fucking her harder with his hand, adding another finger and quickly rolling her clit with his thumb. She began to whimper and pulled her mouth away from his, putting enough distance between their lips for her to be able to speak -

“Fuck me with your thick cock, Ben. Make me feel it in my _throat.”_ Rey’s hands snaked between them to push away his digits and deftly pull out his prick from his underwear and dear _God_ was this really happening?

There was a vague and fearful voice in the back of his thick skull that was screaming “It’s a trap!” - maybe this was just Rey’s elaborate plan to get him to stick his cock in her secretly still-burning cunt so he’d have to join her in the fiery capsaicin hell he’d put her in. He knew for a fact that Hux once tried to jack it after handling freshly chopped jalapenos and had seriously considered going to the ER for fear of losing his dick. 

Worth it. 

Ben pushed himself into her perfect cunt and holy _fuck_ it felt weird - it was still tight and warm and definitely a place he’d like to live but he could almost sort of _feel_ the texture of the heavy cream on his cock and they happened to be laying in the wettest wet spot that was ever wet _but still._ Ben dimly registered that their movement had tipped over the whole bottle of the remaining cream and - 

Honestly, thank god for mattress protectors.

And realistically, Ben would deal with a lot weirder conditions if it meant he could still raw Rey.

“ _Move,_ ” Rey groaned from beneath him. 

Again, what else could he do but comply? Rolling his hips into her, he began a steady pace, fucking into her tight cunt as evenly as he could while she got used to the feeling of his hard cock practically splitting her in two.

“Fuck, Ben,” she whined, starting to move her hips to meet his as if she couldn’t get enough of him. He whimpers and moans only increased when he pinned one of her knees near her chest to open her up even wider.

He ducked down to whisper in her ear. “Do you want me to talk dirty to you?” He said, his voice low and rough.

“ _Yes,_ oh, _fuck,_ Ben, yes,” Rey panted.

“You do?” He was surprised but the feeling melted into satisfaction. “Ah, _you do._ ”

Ben rutted into her harder. 

“You _want_ me to tell you dirty truths about yourself -- you want me to tell you that you’re my pretty little cumslut? That you’re my sweet little fucktoy? Because you are, Rey.” He snaked a hand in between him to play with her clit, almost lazily. “Your perfect snatch belongs to me, it’s mine to fuck and to fill so full with my cum that you’re leaking it for days.”

“ _Fuck._ ”

“You’re going to need crutches when I’m done using your cunt, you won’t be able to move for a week without feeling what I did to you.” Ben put more pressure on her clit and gave her bottom lip a quick bite, making Rey let out a strangled cry.

“Yes, _fucking wreck me._ ”

“And later, after I’m done with you for this round, I’m going to put you on your stomach and pull your hair as I ride you like you want me to, like you’re my filthy little whore. You’re gonna fuck yourself back on my cock and scream my name until it’s the only word you know.” At this point, he was practically grinding his hand into her clit. Ben felt her tighten around him and --

“I’m coming,” she sobbed. “ _Please,_ keep giving me your hard prick, _god._ ” 

Ben was endlessly thankful for the miracle of her coming before him because when she finally fluttered around his cock he couldn’t help but come shortly after, pumping his cum into her with long, rough strokes before stilling above her. He couldn’t bring himself to leave her warmth, sensitivity be damned.

But then --

“I love you,” Rey whimpered. Was he just imagining it? That seemed more likely.

“ _What?_ ” Ben’s mouth hung agape like the idiot he definitely was. Did she just say she loved him or was he just imagining it? The latter seemed more likely but he _needed_ to know.

Her face grew even more flushed than before. “I - fuck, nevermind, Ben -

“No, no, no,” Ben protested, awkwardly shifting to quickly cradle her face between his hands. “Say it again.”

“Don’t make me.”

“Please,” he pleaded, “I don’t think I heard you right and I want to make sure you said what I think you said because if you didn’t say what I think you said, I -”

“Fucking hell, Ben,” Rey spat, obviously exasperated by his thick-headedness. “I fucking _love_ you.” 

He blinked. And then -

“Wha - Why are you fucking _laughing?_ ” She gawked at him as he laughed almost hysterically as he flopped over onto his back beside her. After a solid minute he tried to reel it back so he could explain the reason behind his stupid, ill-timed giggle fit. 

“Rey, I’m a socially-awkward bastard with daddy _and_ mommy issues, your friends hate me, _and_ I literally just had to drench your twat in heavy cream because I rubbed capsaicin into your vagina while trying to fingerfuck you in my _studio apartment_ ,” Ben said, so matter-of-factly it shocked even him. And Rey - beautiful, kind Rey - didn’t hesitate a second to try and comfort him. 

“But you have a gas range!”

“I know! Still. My point stands.” 

“Ben,” she said sternly. “I’m not going to be able to eat anything spicy for _at least_ two weeks out of the sheer _trauma_ of this situation; if I can immediately forgive you for that then there is no doubt in my mind that I love you. And there shouldn’t be any doubt in yours either.”

She adjusted herself so she was half-sprawled atop him, her breasts crushed against his side and her head tucked under his chin.

“You’re smart and passionate and loving and gentle and understanding and _tall_ and you’re constantly evolving,” she whispered against his chest. “Not to mention you’ve got a _huge_ cock. Now, this is the part you tell me -” her voice wavered with a deep-seated kind of anxiety that he recognized, all too well. “Where you tell me that you love me, too.”

He felt -- hell, he _was_ \-- breathless. And confused. And so, so happy; he couldn’t stop the smile on his face if he tried. “I love you so much that I’d be willing to drink kombucha every day for the rest of my life. I love you so much that I’d apologize to my father and eat his shitty food. I love you so much that I’d even try to like myself even half as much as you -- against all odds -- seem to like me.”

Rey let out a watery laugh and looked up at him with a smile bigger than any he had ever seen before, and that was saying something. She was still flushed and sweaty and now she was crying but still, she was the most beautiful person Ben would ever see.

“Good,” she managed between hiccuping sobs, “I’ll hold you to that.”

For a long while they just lay there as she settled down, smiling at each other like idiots but finally Ben broke the relative silence.

“What are you doing for the rest of the day?”

She snorted. “I’m leaking heavy cream and cum, Ben. I don’t think I’m going anywhere.”

“Good.” Ben smiled brightly and pressed a kiss into her temple. “Because I’m going to need a lot of help cleaning up all this cream.”

“ _BEN._ ”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Moral of the story: wash your hands regularly and wear gloves while handling hot peppers.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed this! Be sure to leave a comment on what you would like to see me write next or how you felt about this in general -- but please maybe don't hit me with the "this is unrealistic" comment because we been knew sis, you just gotta enjoy the ride. My versions of Rey and Ben certainly did.
> 
> For real tho, I plan to be posting fics long after TRoS is out of theatres and I'd like to know what people want to see in terms of AUs (canonverse is something I'm just not ready to do, ya feel?) You can also tweet me about it [@HyenaHunny](https://twitter.com/hyenahunny)
> 
> If you enjoyed this be sure to check out my other [ works!](https://archiveofourown.org/users/HyenaHunny/works)
> 
> So... Yeah. Lmk what you want, buds.


End file.
